The Twelve-Week Challenge: Day 39

I feel as though time is ticking away, yet I do not know what will come of that time. Today I realised, that if someone else were in my position, I would undoubtably be telling them to go to America for the summer. I would be telling them they are crazy not to go. So why am I not telling myself that?

I wish I could tell you why. I think deep down, I am scared, scared of what I don’t know. It is ironic, but I am one of these people who hate not knowing what is going to happen, and crave routine, whilst enjoying the spontaneity and excitement that can bring. I think in truth, I am scared of missing out, though of what I do not know. I would rather regret things I have done in life, rather than those I have not, yet I seem scared to put my foot forward and say I’m going. I think because I have never felt like I have belonged anywhere, I worry that I may never belong anywhere, and may be forced to wander this earth searching for what cannot be found.

I have until April 1st, which is Tuesday, to decide whether or not to apply to do Work America for the summer. Maybe tomorrow clarification will appear. For now, I am dubious about my trip to London on Tuesday, and wonder whether I should cut it short. Maybe I’m craving the safety of home, wherever that may be.

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