Get Back On It

Monday morning.  The least fun of them all (if you don’t count Tuesdays).  I made the early bus today, unable to continue with my new year’s resolution of doing the twelve-minute fast walk to the train station, the one I used to do until I favoured the bus in the later months of last year.  No I couldn’t face the walk today, and you know why?  I have a bad back.  

Did you hear me? I HAVE A BAD BACK!!! SYMPATHY PLEASE!!!

Since I was a child, I have been a bit of a hypochondriac.  And it is easier to get sympathy for physical ailments than it is for hidden diseases such as depression.  Even a papercut will draw more sympathy than being perceived as a miserable bitch. 

But mental illness effects you in a way most physical ailments do not.  Today I walked along platform 6 at Clapham Junction and I’m sure everyone thought I had either shat myself or was the great-great granddaughter of the hunchback of Notre Dame.  Thank God I wasn’t wearing my beret today.  If I am feeling particularly depressed, they will think how miserable she looks, or poor cow, her mascara is running and it’s not even 9am yet.  But not only that, I  will think what a miserable cow I am, how worthless I am, how I can’t even carry my coffee without spelling it.  What a stupid bitch. 

There is much more acceptance of depression nowadays, thanks to people speaking out.  Not just celebrities but ordinary people who suffer.  While I don’t know if there will ever be a cure for depression, at least I don’t live in a world where it must be kept hidden at all costs. 

This blog is dedicated to David Bowie, who sadly died earlier today after a secret 18-month battle with cancer.  David suffered with anxiety and depression, and proved it is possible to fight back in a truly spectacular way.  RIP David (1947 – 2016)

Heroes – David Bowie (1977)