Rain, Train, Pain

Oh my days.  I haven’t seen rain like this for a while or had to walk in it for a long time.  The kind where an umbrella makes little difference, and you’re too busy looking at the girl coming towards you in white plimsolls wading through a large puddle that you don’t realise said puddle is actually a lake and before you know it you’re ankle-deep in water.  Thank God I bought those boots. 

I guess this means that summer is almost over.  I say almost, because I still have hope, and I haven’t had that feeling yet, the one I get twice a year; once during winter when you know that summer is on the way, and once in summer when you realise the cold weather signals the onslaught of winter.

I realise that I didn’t account for spring or autumn (fall for you Americans reading).  To me they are like the place-holders for the other two seasons.  They are like boot camp for the following season, preparing you for the cold without really letting you feel it.  Priming you for the sunshine without really letting you feel its warmth.  

Perhaps because I suffer with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) I don’t really notice these bookend-seasons.  Am I too pre-occupied with my negative thoughts between November and March that I am immune to their beauty?  That is a shame.  

As I think about the oncoming winter, I begin to feel dread. I can barely motivate myself to do anything in the summer when the sun shines.  How am I going to achieve anything in the winter?  I think of all the things I want to change in my life, and that requires so much effort.

I feel a headache coming on, and I feel tired and sleepy all of a sudden. I daren’t close my eyes for fear of falling asleep and waking up in the dead of winter.  Or Hounslow.  I’m not sure which is worse.  


7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. milliethom
    Sep 22, 2015 @ 13:56:31

    SAD is a very unpleasant thing! I suffer from a mild version of it – which has considerably improved since I retired and can get outside for some daylight in the winter. Whilst I still taught, in winter I drove to and from work in semi-darkness, so missing all the daylight inbetween. I loathe artificial light and in many rooms in winter, it’s what you get all day.I can’t say I mind the rain though, as long as I’m dressed to cope with it. Autumn is a wonderfully colourful month… Best get outside and enjoy it. Do you have a lamp or something to help with your SAD?


    • 33andlostinlife
      Sep 22, 2015 @ 18:42:02

      I haven’t got a SAD lamp although I know it’s something I should invest in, especially if I end up staying in this flat which is very dark. I know what you mean about getting out and enjoying it, but it can be easier said than done sometimes!


      • milliethom
        Sep 22, 2015 @ 20:22:49

        It is very hard, especially when you work full-time. I was always desperate for daylight when I worked. But getting out is a good idea to counter the loneliness you’re feeling.

  2. Opinionated Man
    Sep 30, 2015 @ 04:59:18

    Another article on SAD. Seems to be a trending topic lately. I for one have always had a connection to rain… the wrong kind of connection. =\


  3. Phoenix Evolution
    Oct 25, 2015 @ 00:28:30

    Even though we haven’t spoken for a while I’ve been here in the background keeping up with your blog, I am heartened to see you still writing. Maybe we should speak again? Despite what was said before you graduated I never stopped wanting to help you achieve, I remain willing to do so therefore if you could use a friend.. well you have my number and the choice as always is yours. .


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