The Power of 15,000 Views

Today I hit a milestone with my blog: 15,000 views. I have published, since January 2012, 234 blog posts (this one, assuming it makes it into the “published posts section” will be 235). I know that I haven’t written anything for a while. I’m not going to make excuses for myself, other than the fact there’s been a lot going on; mostly in my head, which has resulted in more sleepless nights than I care to admit.

235 blog posts and I still feel lost in life. I feel the frustration of having spent four years at university only to end up doing the same job as I did for 12 years before that. Except now I’m not making sure cancer patients get their diagnostic tests and treatments on time. Now I make sure the relatively wealthy get their Michael Kors handbag or their Jimmy Choos without too much of a delay. Maybe this is the reason I can’t take my job too seriously.

But it’s not all bad. Last Friday I attended a free journalism workshop, a taster session for a journalism Diploma I’m considering doing in the new year.

I feel the sadness at spending another Christmas alone, or rather, without that special person in my life. Christmas adverts, like the latest offering from department store John Lewis, make it clear that love is the ultimate goal at Christmas time. Like Frankie Goes to Hollywood sang in December 1984 and earning its place on all good future Christmas compilation albums, “love is the light scaring darkness away”. I have to admit I could do with some light in my life right now.

But it’s not all bad. This year, I won’t be physically alone. I’m making sure I spend Christmas Day with people who care about me.

I feel the pressure of being overweight, of having a balloon-sized stomach caused by food intolerances, of having bad acne at the age of 36, of stress causing my scalp to flake and scab.

But it’s not all bad. My skin is clearing up, albeit slowly, and I had a hair cut at the weekend which saw three inches of my beloved locks on the salon floor. But I look in the mirror and I see a new me, and I see at least a physical change where I struggle to make those mental ones.

2014 has been a tough year. I’m still struggling to find my place in this city, in this life. Right now I have so many physical afflictions that I can barely look at myself in the mirror. But it’s not all bad. Because tonight I wrote another blog post, and as long as I can write, I know that I’m on the right path. I may not have had much inspiration lately, but tonight I was motivated by the 15,000 views on my blog, because it means that people are out there reading what I have to say. I could lie and tell you I write for myself, which is partly true, but like most bloggers, I write because I want people to read it. I want to inspire, to amuse, to entertain, to sadden. I want people to know they are not alone in what they may be going through. The Thirty-Something Crisis, or The Mid-Life Crisis, or The Quarter-Life Crisis, at whatever age it occurs, is not kind. It treats everyone differently, and knows no mercy. This is my journey through it, and I thank you for keeping me company during these dark nights and not-so-bright days.

The Power of Love – Frankie Goes to Hollywood (1984)

John Lewis Christmas Advert (2014)


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Rob
    Nov 19, 2014 @ 00:32:10

    Congratulations on 15,000 views! That’s quite a milestone. I also have physical afflictions which, frankly, are really beginning to annoy me. If I hear another person tell me that I’m too young to have such and such, I might smack them.

    Yes, being single during the holidays is awful. Do you have Hallmark channel there? There are all these Hallmark movies on right now and I watch them all because deep down I’m a big sap, but it just reminds me of how I don’t have anyone special this time of year. It blows.

    I’m glad that you are still blogging; I enjoy reading it. 🙂


    • 33andlostinlife
      Nov 19, 2014 @ 06:55:42

      When we have physical problems they do of course affect us in many different ways. Try not to hit anybody though, or you’ll only have to suffer them in a jail cell.

      I think we have Hallmark here although I don’t really watch telly myself. I have been watching lots of cheesy 80s comedies lately and I have to say it works so maybe avoid the soppy stuff and try a little Weekend at Bernies. There’s still an underlying love story but it’s not as in your face.

      Thanks for being a loyal reader Rob!


  2. Sharon Greene
    Nov 19, 2014 @ 04:54:32

    I am happy to hear you have hit 15,000 views! Yes there are people out there that want to read your writing and hear what you have to say. Hopefully your 3rd decade crisis will pass soon.


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