What Are Those Marks On Your Face?

That was the question I was asked tonight in Subway, my current fast-food of choice. As he packed my honey oat bread with meat and salad, he obviously pondered this question before asking me: “What are those marks on your face?”

I looked at him for a moment before answering.

“Sadness.” Was my reply. Well, my first reply. I had been crying on the train on the way home, so I figured my mascara had run.

“Mascara.” My second reply, after he failed to look convinced by my first answer.

Before waiting to see if he would be convinced a second time, I grabbed the bag with my six-inch Italian BMT and bottle of water and left. I got across the road and down the street before I could finally locate the mirror in my handbag to check what these mysterious “marks” were.

In the mirror was nothing, except a few bags under my eyes. Not even the remains of any mascara, since I recently replaced my waterproof one for a normal one.

As I put the mirror back in my bag, I considered what my other answers should have been. Disappointment? Acne? I have a pretty severe breakout right now.

Whatever the answer, he should have seen no marks upon my face. What he should have seen was my smile. In fact, he should not have seen my face at all, because I should have been at home hours ago, making food there. I should not have been arriving home at 8:45pm because I chose to sit in a pub alone with a pint rather than going home.

I feel the tears stinging my eyes again. I think of the man in Subway, and wonder if he has ever seen someone look so lost in life.

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6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Mike E. Miller
    Nov 06, 2014 @ 21:08:02

    I must confess that I am… I can’t think of the word. Perplexed, curious, interested… to know what he saw. It just seems such a very odd (and bold) thing to say to someone and then for you to see nothing in the mirror. How strange.

    Reply

    • 33andlostinlife
      Nov 06, 2014 @ 22:05:57

      The more I think about it, the more I think he was referring to my spots. But at the time it really did feel like he could see something I couldn’t. It still amazes me that someone would make such a comment to a total stranger – and a customer at that.

      Reply

  2. angel
    Nov 13, 2014 @ 14:42:37

    why are you so sad all the time? maybe you have met someone to make you happy but you didnt realise at the time! Think back who came into your life but you wouldne let in

    Reply

    • 33andlostinlife
      Nov 15, 2014 @ 09:20:26

      Hi Angel, I do feel sad a lot of the time and I don’t really know the reason why. Sadly there is nobody I have met who could make me happy, other than the men who just don’t feel the same. But I will keep looking and trying to focus on myself because really I am the one who should make myself happy.

      Reply

  3. angel
    Nov 17, 2014 @ 11:59:28

    you seem such a lovely person and just need someone to look after you. Let people in and focus on being happy. Sometimes you meet people through the most random of situations – maybe your time is still to come

    Reply

  4. Angel
    Jan 23, 2015 @ 21:44:43

    how are you? I miss your post and worried about you

    Reply

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