The World is Your Oyster (Card)

What a difference a week makes. During last weekend’s long Easter break, I wrote a couple of times about the tough week I’d had, and how I was going to have to get used to the fact that I wouldn’t be moving any time soon. On Tuesday, something happened which changed things, and now I have around five weeks to find somewhere new to live.

In Deja View: History Repeats Itself, I wrote about how I was facing my one-year anniversary of living in London. Back in 1998, I had approached the same anniversary and with house and job issues rife, had taken the decision to leave London. In Deja View, I made a stand; I would not be going anywhere. I was going to hold a stake out until London gave me what I wanted.

Last week I was forced to do something that I often find myself unable to do. I had to find faith. Faith that life would make things right for me. That if I just believed, the universe would work things out. That no matter what, I just had to hold on. The film Bridesmaids revived that great song by Wilson Phillips, Hold On. I had that song on a compilation CD since my teens and every couple of months it would find its way into my CD player. When I was feeling down, it was a go-to song, because its message is clear; no matter how tough things get, you hold on. The lyrics of the first verse:

I know this pain

Why do lock yourself up in these chains?

No one can change your life except for you

Don’t ever let anyone step all over you

Just open your heart and your mind

Is it really fair to feel this way inside?

always seemed to apt to me, and the song comforted me. The second verse was a bit more tough love:

You could sustain

Or are you comfortable with the pain?

You’ve got no one to blame for your unhappiness

You got yourself into your own mess

Lettin’ your worries pass you by

Don’t you think it’s worth your time

To change your mind?

Sometimes tough love is what is needed. Sometimes we can’t have everything we want. Sometimes we have to face the consequences of our actions. Sometimes we have to pay for our mistakes.

But if we have faith, and learn to accept that which is to be, then we may just be rewarded with what we wanted in the first place.

Now I am the most un-religious person I know. Politics and religion are prone to drive me to sleep, proven by the fact that after drinking copious amounts of wine with a friend, I fell asleep sitting up when she started talking about politics. No, I am not politically or religiously minded at all (and if you need more proof of that, read No-Ah Just Don’t Believe It).

I am not telling you to go to church or to start praying before bedtime, but just to find that faith inside you. Faith that it will all be ok. Despite the fact that at times over the years, I have felt like a weak person, I have always been aware that I have a strength running through me. Many other people I know have faced tougher times than I have, but I’ve had my share of hurt. While many times I have felt like giving up, I have always refused. Because I am determined to get what I want out of life.

At the end of last year, I almost did give up. Not on life, just on my dreams. I saw a video of myself reading the fairy tale that was my first short story, and I actually called it a crock of shit. I had always been so proud of that story and I actually shocked myself at how I felt towards it only two and a half years later. It was that story that had given me the belief that I could be a writer; here I was dismissing it and its message as rubbish.

Luckily I came to my senses, and as you can see 2014 has seen me blogging more than ever. I do feel proud to have written The Princess and the Epiphany and I know that it is only a matter of time before I expand out of the blogging sphere and have a go at more creative writing again. For now, I have to focus on finding myself and The Bish a new home. While I do that, you can enjoy The Princess and the Epiphany. When you’ve finished that, you can enjoy a bit of George Michael having Faith

George Michael – Faith (1987)

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