The Twelve-Week Challenge: Day 34

After my last two late blogs, I thought the least I could do would be to use the Internet access that I have right now and at least post this one blog nice and early.

I wish I could say today has been a good day, but it hasn’t really.  It’s been one of those completely wasted days, which seems even more shameful since I’ve been here in London.  Today I’ve pretty much gone from one Starbucks to the next, with an hour’s break in the middle, where I sat in Berkeley Square, near Bond Street, and watched the pigeons, magpies and office workers having their lunch. As I tucked into some Branston Pickle flavour nuts and crackers (I would recommend them to anyone), I got a pitying look from a  couple who walked past, arm in arm.  I’m not sure whether it was because I was sat alone, in the park, in the freezing cold, with my suitcase and two other bags, eating nuts.  I’m sure they must have thought I was nuts at the very least.

As you’ll know if you have read this blog before, I have a problem with endings.  I also struggle when plans change, to adapt to doing something else.  On top of that, I also find it hard being alone when travelling (something to do with too much time to think).  I think today, in Berkeley Square, all three hit me at once.

I guess this is one of the biggest transitions I’ll go through in my life; that time between the old life being left behind and that new life starting.

Right now I should have been in China.  Despite coming to London instead for a week, I’ve not done what I’ve wanted to do, with regards to job-hunting and essay writing, although it most definitely hasn’t been wasted time.

While I’ve enjoyed the time I’ve spent with friends, I’ve felt at a lost end when I’ve been on my own.  I hate saying that, because there was a time when I enjoyed my own company.  It’s not that I don’t now, it’s just that there are times when my own company suffocates me.

I will get through this, but today is not one of those days.  At least not right now.  I’m due to meet another friend later in Chinatown, and I know that company, other than my own, and Chinese food will definitely lift my mood.

I wonder when the tears will finally stop.  I’ve shed enough to last me a lifetime.  Over emotional things, pointless things and adverts with fluffy animals or small children.  But it is something I’ve always done, and I don’t see there being any kind of drought anytime soon.  But maybe soon I’ll be able to blink them away, before they ruin my make up.

After running my battery down today on my iPhone by playing my music on shuffle, a song just came on that I don’t know too well, but seems to have lifted me already.  The shuffle has just, miraculously picked a second song from the same album, which suits my situation as well.  You may recognise Michelle Branch from her collaboration with Carlos Santana on The Game of Love.  But I’m not going to give you the link to that (although please do look it up yourself, it’s a great song).  Instead, I’m going to leave you with Everywhere, and Goodbye To You, from her major-label debut 2001 album, The Spirit Room.

Everywhere – Michelle Branch

 

Goodbye To You – Michelle Branch

 

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