Three Posts and a Maybe

So it seems like I’m going for the record: three blog posts in one day.  Never been done before, certainly not by me.  Today has been very down then slightly up, although I feel myself slipping again.  Part of me should be grateful; that at least I am writing, but why do things have to go wrong for me to be able to write?  Is it too much to ask that I be happy and still be able to write a blog about my life.

Like any good soap opera though, the good parts are few and far between.  It is the drama that makes it so watchable.  You’ll always find a high body count on Christmas Day in EastEnders, Coronation Street, Emmerdale (for international readers, the UK’s top Soap Operas and thus, the UK’s most watched TV shows).  But why do so many people tune in?  It’s not because they’re too exhausted to move after their huge turkey dinner.  Ok, well maybe it is.  But mainly it’s because the dramatic plots are what attract people’s interest.  People love a good murder, plane crash, unsuspecting spouse being served with divorce papers (yes, EastEnders’-Den-Watts-serves-wife-Angie-with-divorce-papers-shocker from Christmas Day 1986 still tops the countdown of any Christmas Soap Storyline Poll).

Now I’m not saying that my blog readers only want to read my blog when my life is going down the toilet.  Well, some of them might.  But I’d like to think that most of them read it and hope, like me, for better days.

I guess what has hit me most today, is that I have been upset over what really shouldn’t be affecting me so much.  The bare foundations of a ‘relationship’ (and I use this term extremely loosely), which really hit a brick wall before it even got planning permission.  In my first blog, perhaps during my initial reaction stage, I made it seem like it was the guy’s fault, but really it was more to do with circumstance and bad timing.  Which is really the crux of it.  I met a wonderful guy, we got on really well, we both liked each other, but our individual circumstances are such that we are both in situations where the next few months are crucial, and after that who knows where we will be.  He was sensible enough to see that it had to stop, which is something I was not brave enough to do.  But it still hurts, because once again I feel like I have been closer to what I want, namely a relationship; closer than I have been in a long time.  But the last one, almost two and a half years ago, ended after only six weeks, a consequence of circumstances hurtled way out of my control.

I am reassured by friends, at least you had only been seeing him a few weeks.  Yes, true.  But why I can’t I ever get past that magical month?  Anyway, the man thing is being shelved for a while.  I have 15 weeks until I am free to do whatever I want with my life; move to the Outer Hebrides, become a florist, maybe join the circus.  The world is my oyster.  Time to woman up and make sure I’m ready to seize the opportunity to move on.

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5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Recruiterpoet - Professionalism With Flare
    Jan 21, 2013 @ 19:57:19

    That is a lot on your mind. Well done lady.

    Reply

  2. rach222
    Jan 21, 2013 @ 20:38:42

    Seems to me like you’ve got over the worst part. I’ve been in similar circumstances. I’ve dated somebody in the past – yes it was good for a while but after that something or somebody got in the way! At the time I felt as if though my dreams had been snatched away. Dramatic? Yes!

    I know look at my life. I can assure you that when the times right and you stop looking….. Somebody will come along. It happened to me. 🙂 keep smiling!

    Reply

    • 33andlostinlife
      Jan 21, 2013 @ 20:43:36

      Thank you. I know people say that and I have said it to friends myself when I was in my only long term relationship. But sometimes it feels like you can never stop looking.

      Reply

  3. rach222
    Jan 21, 2013 @ 21:55:11

    I understand what you mean. The night that I truly meant it, I met my boyfriend. It will happen. Maybe you’re not ready to stop trying. I was truly fed up of being messed about all the time. 🙂

    Reply

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