3 pounds 9 ounces and loving life…

On Wednesday 29th February 2012, a little miracle happened.  My first nephew was born 🙂 But that is the short story.  The real story went something like this. 

My little (or not so much anymore) brother, Baz (Barry), 29 and his girlfriend, Emma, who was 23 on the day Jamie Joshua was born, had announced their pregnancy last year.  With a due date of 29th April 2012, we were all anticipating baby to be born just in time for England’s May bank holidays.  However, it seems that Jamie didn’t want to wait that long.

Emma had been in and out of hospital since January with bleeding.  The placenta was also low which may have indicated the need for a Cesarean section.  By mid-February, it had got to the point that she couldn’t continue to lose any more blood and if the bleeding continued, they would have to perform a C-section.  Emma was 29 weeks pregnant.

Over the next two weeks, Emma was in and out of hospital, as they did scans and performed blood tests, although the cause of the bleeding could not be identified.  The placenta was not as low as it could have been, so they were just going to monitor Emma’s condition.

On Monday 20th February, Baz had gone to Worksop to take the exams that he’d been building up to the last three years, while retraining to be an electrician.  He arrived at Worksop on Tuesday morning, ready to sit the first of three days of exams, when he received a call from the hospital.  They were going to deliver the baby before lunchtime.  Of course he rushed back to Lincoln County Hospital, where he and Emma waited anxiously all day, only to be told they were not going to deliver the baby after all. 

The following day he returned to Worksop, praying to get his two and a half days of exams finished before the arrival of his son, otherwise face £1000 fee to re-sit.  He completed the exams and passed, so congrats to him on that 🙂

Fast forward to Tuesday 28th February; Emma had gone into labour at 10am.  She had just turned 31 weeks.  It was an anxious time for us all as we waited for news.  I worried about whether I should be at the hospital, but Baz reassured me there was nothing that I could do, and that he would let everyone know when there was news.  I awoke at 8am the following morning and immediately checked my phone.  Nothing from Baz.  I have to admit, I feared the worst, so I text my mum, although knowing she would be driving to work, I didn’t really expect a reply.  So I called my dad at work to ask if he’d heard anything, and he told me that Emma had given birth to a boy, Jamie Joshua, at 6:41am.  As far as he knew, both mother and baby were doing well.  I was so relieved, I cried.

Baz called me shortly after, and I had to admit I’d already spoken to our dad.  He called me impatient!  Now he calls me Auntie Jodie 🙂  He did tell me that I was the first to hear Jamie’s birth weight: 3 pound 13 ounces.

Later that afternoon, I went up with my dad to see Jamie in the Neo-Natal Unit, situated on the sixth floor of Lincoln’s Maternity Wing.  The view over the East of Lincoln was amazing, but we all only had eyes for little Jamie. 

I couldn’t believe how tiny he was! Tiny, but perfectly formed.  He looked so small and vulnerable sleeping there.  When the nurse passed Jamie to Emma to hold, taking care to move all the wires he was attached to before removing him from the incubator, I started to cry again. 

Looking at Baz and Emma, they looked so grown up.  Not that they weren’t before, but I guess they’d progressed from being a young couple to being parents, Mummy and Daddy to a little boy who couldn’t wait to greet the world.  I couldn’t be more proud of the proud parents and my gorgeous new nephew.

A few days after he was born, Jamie had to be moved over to Leicester, due to some funny colour liquid they’d removed from his stomach. They performed tests which showed everything to be normal, and day by day passed when we expected Jamie back at Lincoln,  Once again a worrying time for everyone, especially Baz & Em, who were travelling back and forth to Leicester, with Emma staying over with Jamie a few nights. We were somewhat relieved when we found out the delays were due to Lincoln not having the staff to look after Jamie, rather than a problem with him, although we were all desperate for him to be back. 

Jamie returned to Lincoln in an ambulance on Friday 9th March.  The day before his Mummy’s 24th birthday.  I think he knew he had to be there for her 🙂

Since then, they’ve been feeding him up at Lincoln and he’s gaining weight.  He’s still in the incubator and will continue to be until his temperature goes below 29 degrees (it’s currently 31).

I’ve been up most days to see Jamie and every day he just gets cuter!  He has these gorgeous blue eyes which open wide every so often (yes I know all babies have blue eyes at birth) and tiny fingers, which wrap around my index finger.  I haven’t had proper cuddles yet, they’re just for Mummy and Daddy, but I can’t wait because I know soon I’ll be able to cuddle him as much as I want to.

If you’ve been reading my blog, you’ll know how difficult I’ve found life lately.  I don’t know what I want to do with my life.  I find it hard to get motivated to do anything, and half the time when I do get something done, I am full of fear that’s it’s just not good enough.  I worry about whether I am capable of doing things then have dreams about them, which I wake from full of doubt, which can make it hard to start the day positively.  Even if you’ve never read one of my blog posts, you can tell from the title of my blog it’s not all about sweetness and seahorses.  It’s about life.  My life.  My feelings.  The person I am.  The person I want to be.  The person I don’t want to be. 

I take Fluoxetine (aka Prozac) for my depression, and Lymecycline for my acne.  I thought I would be off the acne tabs by this age, but no.  A few weeks ago, I couldn’t afford to get my Lymecycline prescription.  So when I ran out, I didn’t have any more tablets to take.  I figured I could go without, surely it wouldn’t be that bad.  As has happened before (I am rubbish at collecting my prescription before I run out), I had a major breakout of spots.  Not just little pimples, a huge volcano of one on my chin, with several smaller ones on around my mouth.  Not exactly a great thing to see when you look in the mirror, especially when you already feel crappy inside. It really affected my mood.  A few days later, I ran out of Fluoxetine.  Although I’d planned to buy more Fluoxetine, things had happened and I’d just not had chance to get to a pharmacy.  At first, I thought perhaps I was getting away with it.  I felt ok.  Despite my face, I was feeling ok.  But two days later, I could’t stop crying.  I went to the pharmacy, parted with my £14.80 and left with both my Fluoxetine and Lymecycline. 

I guess I just have to accept that right now, it’s not possible for me to live a stress-free life without my tablets.  I know I’ll get low if I even miss just one day’s worth (which I try to avoid at all costs).  I would love to have beautiful (albeit somewhat scarred) facial skin at the age of 33, but that’s just not possible either.  On the tablets, I am fairly spot-free.  I get the occasional one, but I can cope with that.

But you know what?  So far, my little nephew has to be fed through a tube that goes into his nose.  I watched him being fed yesterday, where milk previously expressed from his Mummy was fed into the tube using a syringe.  Today he’s going to try breast feeding with Mummy, which is definitely an improvement, and an exciting progression towards finally being able to be a normal baby 🙂 

If my little nephew, born 9 weeks early and weighing little more than a bag of sugar, can fight through this time of difficulty to stay alive, then so can I.  So what, we may need a little medical help to do that right now, but sometimes you just have to accept that. 

I wasn’t particularly thrilled at having to suspend my studies and spend at least another 18 months here in Lincoln.  But now I have someone who needs more looking after than I do.  Someone who needs his Auntie Jodie there, for cuddles and playtime, as much as Auntie Jodie will need him.   Besides, being born on a leap year, he’ll need his whole family around him, to make sure his birthdays every year, but especially every four years, are extra special.  But I don’t think he’ll have any problems finding people to celebrate with.  Not least, his proud Auntie Jodie, who loves him so much already. ❤

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Trackback: Mirena and the Hymen | 33andlostinlife

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