I’m Not Ashamed To See Shame Nowadays…

Last night I went to the Odeon with one of my housemates to see Shame, a film starring current Hollywood faves Michael Fassbender and Carey Mulligan.  In Shame, Fassbender plays Brandon, a young professional living in New York, who goes about quite happily enjoying his sex addiction.  That is, until his younger sister, Sissy turns up and moves in.  Then has sex, with his boss, of all people (played by James Badge Dale, Jack Bauer’s partner, Chase, in 24, who had a relationship with Jack’s daughter, Kim.  Yes, it gets complicated).  Brandon goes from being a laid-back sex-aholic, to a man on the verge of a nervous breakdown, going to real extremes to get the sex he cannot live without.  Sissy, a self-harmer and damaged soul herself, is a constant reminder of their presumed harsh childhood.

What is interesting in this film is that it is full of nude scenes and I’m talking full frontals from both Fassbender and Mulligan.  But I’m proud to say that I wasn’t embarrassed, the way I was when we watched Romeo and Juliet (no, not the Leo & Claire version, this was earlier in the 90s) in my English class in comprehensive school.  The only part I remember of the film is when Juliet got her boobs out, which, as a very shy 13-year-old, I was hugely mortified to be watching in a class full of my peers, although all the boys loved it.

This is something I should list as one of my accomplishments: Jodie Orton does not get embarrassed at seeing films with nudity any more.  Other achievements by The Girl Least Likely To Co-Host A Radio Show: co-hosts a radio show, co-founded and coordinated MAPS (the Mature and Postgraduate Students group at the University of Lincoln), can fly to far-away countries on her own, can even go to the shop on her own. 

The last one is important.  For many years during my twenties, I hated to go places by myself.  Even if I had to nip to the co-op for coke or chocolate (see previous blog), having to go on my own would be torture.  Yet when I lived in London as a 19-year-old, I used to go to the cinema on my own (I saw Sliding Doors twice), I used to go shopping, sightseeing, even swimming, at King’s College, a university of all places, full of young people.  Scary stuff. 

I think it’s easier to be your own person in a big city.  For me, anyway.  To be surrounded by strangers you can be inconspicuous.  Here in Lincoln, population circa 85,000, I always feel like someone’s watching.  Probably nobody is.  But paranoia, the seeds planted during those years in comp school, and nurtured during my twenties, is growing all over me, like ivy. 

But paranoia, I’ve come to get you.  I have my gardening gloves (yes, my mother was right, in some ways) and my secateurs and I’m starting to cut away the stems that have consumed me for so long.  I saw Michael Fassbender’s willy last night.  And I’m not ashamed to admit it to the world.




1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Fen
    Feb 26, 2012 @ 13:38:52

    I couldn’t go to canteen by myself until the second year of the high school, but I can go to everywhere if I like. I am pround of your achievement as long as you happy.



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