Not what you might expect…

…with 12 minutes to go until the official commencement of Valentine’s Day.  If you know me, you will know I loathe V-Day, at least when I’m single.  I had expected to have a rant about it, but you know what, I’m actually feeling so positive right now I don’t really care what day it is tomorrow!

So today I applied for a job.  It would be a great job if I could get it, and I may not be experienced or qualified enough for it.  But it has me smiling.  At the thought of working!  I gave up my job in the NHS back in September, in a bid to concentrate on my studies.  Five months later, I have suspended my studies and two trips to the States later, I’m just about out of money.  I realise that I have no choice but to get a job, but I’m reluctant to go back to the “9 to 5”. 

For me, when I made the decision to go to university to change careers – or rather, start my career; I never felt like I had a career before – I had intended to continue working full-time throughout my studies.  I was unprepared for how intense working AND studying full-time could be, and by the time I returned from my study abroad period in the US last summer, I knew that I couldn’t work full-time, if at all, during my final year of uni. 

Having returned to work from my career break, following the five months spent studying and travelling in the US, I found that I just couldn’t settle back into my old job.  Hardly surprising really, after everything I’d experienced and the places I’d been.  My head, as well as my heart, were headed for the future, and needed no reminder of my old life. 

But, if you’ve read my previous blogs, you know that actually neither my head or my heart are prepared to give up the ghosts.  So how do I move forward without moving backwards?  One step forward, two steps back, gets you absolutely nowhere, except maybe miles behind where you started.

So here’s the situation; I need money.  Thus, I need a job.  But I don’t want to have wasted the last two and a half years spent studying and working towards that career that has eluded me so far in life.  How to do this without feeling like I’ve taken two steps back?  Well I’ve sent my CV and cover letter off to the dream job.  All I can do is wait and see if I fit their criteria.  In the meantime, I’ll see what else is out there, perhaps something will catch my eye that’s not quite so 9 to 5.  I can keep reminding myself that I WON’T be doing it forever.  And hey, a payslip is the most exciting thing in the world, no matter whether it says exactly the same amount every month, even though you check it anticipatingly, just in case, and despite the job you’ve had to do to achieve it.  I haven’t had a pay day since September, and I’m beginning to miss them.  In my old department we used to celebrate by having a pay day buffet.  Perhaps I shouldn’t dread getting a job.  Instead, I should look forward to having a pay day again.  You’ve heard about the penniless writer.  I’ve just been getting in practice for that.  But in the words of my heroine, Virginia Woolf, a woman needs a room of her own and money if she is to write.  I have a room of my own.  I’d better continue working on the money side of things.

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Trackback: Roses are red… « 33andlostinlife

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